just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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