I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
