What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
