I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
