I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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