All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
