If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
