I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
