I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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