I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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