i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
