I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
