He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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