quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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