a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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