Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize