I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
