who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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