A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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