just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
