We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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