Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
