Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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