She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
