I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
