Don't make out with my wife yet
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
