I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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