That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We're too hungover to prance.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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