we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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