When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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