My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
