when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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