I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
