Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
