I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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