I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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