So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
