I just pynch a tree in the face
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
