My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
