i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
