Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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