morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my being single is dangerous.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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