sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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