yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
