i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
