she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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