don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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