It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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