I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
