dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
