Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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