please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
