im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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