Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
