I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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