i would punch a child for taco bell
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
