I hate all girls vehemently.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
