I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
