I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
