I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
