And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
