Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
