i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do herpes really smell.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
foreskin is a definite game changer
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
