hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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