my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
