Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
