I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
