I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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