I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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