It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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