FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
