i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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