Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
