dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize