Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
