I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
