That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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