I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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