First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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