there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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